October 9th, 2003

The Real Comptroller

Three news stories that reminded me of Simpsons gags in one day.

City Comptroller Raises Questions on Deal to Put Snapple Products in Schools screams a New York Times headline. Which reminds me of the rather long bit about the state comptroller and Lisa Simpson's test score, which she actually cheated to get. The school's administration gets wind of it, but still wants the money that the state was going to give them, so the administration sets up an elaborate ploy to soothe Lisa's conscience while at the same time receiving the illicit gains:

Skinner: And now, to present the grant money, a legendary figure in educational disbursement, state Comptroller Atkins!
Atkins: Thank you. I'm here tonight to honor the girl whose unprecedented test score has set a new standard in excellence. Lisa?
[more applause as Lisa takes the podium]
Lisa: Thank you. I know this giant check is very important to everyone here, but ... what's even more important is the truth.
[everyone looks confused, and Skinner makes "cut" guesture]
Because, after all, education is the search for truth.
Skinner: No, no it isn't. Don't listen to her. She's out of her mind!
Lisa: And the truth is, we don't deserve this grant, and I don't deserve your applause. I cheated on that test.
[audience boos]
Atkins: Wait! How dare you condemn this girl. Who among you can honestly say you've never cheated ... on your wives ... or your husbands? What she just did took courage, and where I come from, Canada, we reward courage. So I hearby decree that you keep the grant. And let's give this brave girl the ovation she deserves!
[everyone cheers, and OFF greets Lisa at the podium and carries her out of the room]
Marge: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. You got the highest grade in the class.
Lisa: But, Mo-om ...
Marge: The highest grade!

Bart slams the doors shut as they leave and throws a broom through the handles. "Okay, Lisa's gone!" he shouts, and the crowd murmurs and returns to their seats. The comptroller pulls off a face mask and is revealed to be Otto, who walks off saying "Oh, man! Acting is tough! I'll be in my trailer."

Skinner: Ah, good old predictable Lisa. I knew her conscience was a ticking time bomb.
Krabappel: Heads up! Here comes the real comptroller.
[a few minutes later, a man similar to Otto's role, with a slightly different voice, is handing an oversized check to Skinner]
Atkins: This grant ensures a light bulb in every classroom, and a high-definition TV for the teachers' lounge.
Now, where's the little girl who made this grant possible? Where's Lisa Simpson?
[a poorly made dummy of Lisa pops up on a poll in the back of the room, which we see is being controlled by Bart, low in his seat. The comptroller offers for her to come on up, but she shakes her head "no"]
Atkins: Well, how about that? Smart and modest! Well, I should be going now. These giant checks don't hand themselves out.
Skinner: Okay, people! Let's have a round of applause for the real comptroller!
Atkins: Huh?
Chalmers: [under his breath] Idiot.
[walks Mr. Atkins out of the room]
Skinner: I know a liquor store where we can cash this right now!

Submitted by couple swingers (not verified) on Wed, 2006-10-04 22:57.

Very interesting. Thanks!

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